I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
