I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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