'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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