I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
