I think I died a long time ago.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
