ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
