Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I intend to get homeless drunk
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
