the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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