she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
