Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
