Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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