There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
