I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
