Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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