I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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