Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
