I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
