sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
