fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
