i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
