remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
