Girls should come with a carfax report
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
