Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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