Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
