My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
