You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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