Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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