please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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