I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
