I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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