if only i could text you this smell
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
