The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
