Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
