My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
