He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
