I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
