i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize