well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All the doctor said was why
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
