Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
