she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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