Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And then my night got REAL pukey
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
