She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't deserve a penis
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
