Just cropdusted the office
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
