Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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