Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
