just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
