I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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