i would punch a child for taco bell
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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