Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
