im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power