Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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