he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
false alarm, still single
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
