4 words: hood of his car
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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