i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
