Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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