why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
