that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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