we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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