he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
