I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
