sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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