I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
