Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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