I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
