I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
do nipples grow back?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
