what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
