Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize