my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
