Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
my poor anus
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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