adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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