dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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