you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
