i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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