Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
