Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
