So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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