I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
