What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
