WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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