i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i want to fuck
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it's pretty self explanatory
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
