There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
