i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
